Monday, May 30, 2011

King of Tangents

Have you ever had a thought go through your mind and then you wonder... holy cow, how did I get here?! Well, let's be honest- that is a fairly regular occurrence in my life. I am almost completely positive that I am, in fact, the King of Tangents. One of my mission companions was just sure that he needed to fix this problem. As we drove in the car one day, he mentioned that I don't use a clutch when I speak. I asked him to expound because I didn't really comprehend what he meant. He then explained that I don't use connecting thoughts to "switch gears," so to speak. Apparently this was causing quite a problem. At the end of his little spiel, I said, "Well, Elder, luckily this is the reason that the Lord invented automatics and cruise control. What a blessing they are to us."

Today someone told me that they wanted to live inside my head for a day just to see what goes on in there. I'm sure that would be eye-opening for them and very very scary for me! So I'm not quite sure if this person was giving me a compliment or.... anyway here's your chance. As I was sitting through my beneficially boring biology class, I decided that I should take notes. Be proud. However, the notes weren't on the lecture. I took extremely accurate notes on the events of my mind. Keep in mind that I'm not including the "gears" per se that are helping me to transition, that would be a never ending blog.

At the risk of embarrassing myself, I will share some of the thoughts that surprised me. A penny for my thoughts...? Ok- you asked for it.

Bio Professor while speaking about genetics: "Are you an inny or an outy?"
In my head: "Inny. I always wanted an outy though. Oooooh I definitely want an Audi! Probably the Q5 SUV. Yep."

"I should start saying, 'what the dickens?!' more often..."

"I just drew an ear of corn in my notes..."

Bio Professor: "Which are the most dangerous apartments in Provo?"
In my head: "The Branbury. Duh. Everyone knows that. My dad doesn't seem to believe me though. Oh listen- everyone else is saying the same thing out loud! Ok, now I feel validated."

"Spencer! Pay attention!"
"Oops... ok sorry Me...."

"Why would my shoes be glued to the ground?
I wish I was actually good at sports."

"Jars. Oh I love homemade jam!"

Professor: "Adrenaline makes your heart beat faster when you're in a car smooching!"
In my head: "Yeah, that happens to me too..."
"Wait, what?! How did we get on the subject of steaming up windows while smooching....?"

"His nucleus looks like the sun with a pineapple on it."

"I wonder what would happen if I put this paper clip in that socket..."

"HA! He just talked about a recipe for homemade jam. I'm psychic. Don't tell anyone."

"oh oh oh! good idea! You know those portable houses that they cut in half and you see them moving down the freeway on a big truck? We should play house in one of those while it's moving! The people driving on the freeway would be SO CONFUSED!"

"Do teachers ever just make stuff up..? When I'm a teacher, I'm going to tell all the students that the moon used to be turquoise."

"WHAT THE DICKENS?! ha.. ha... hahahaha."

"A flash mob would be the coolest thing that could happen to me right about now."

"Yep, like clockwork- the Russians are always late.
"Wait, if they were like clockwork, doesn't that mean they'd be on time...?
Aw shoot- how do you settle a dispute with yourself?"

"My life would be so much better if there was a nice big window in here."

Professor: "...something....something.....Mutation...something..."
In my head: "X-MEN COMES OUT NEXT WEEK!! I hope someone will want to see it with me. Who would want to go? Does anyone else still turn into a 10-year-old boy when they think of X-Men? Wow, I'm such a deacon right now."

"Aspirin is a scary white little pill."

"Obviously no one ever taught him that you're not supposed to erase the board from side-to-side. My teacher friends would be so disappointed."

"Whoever invented the projector was really smart."

Professor: "I'm going to teach you to decode codons."
In my head: "I LOVE playing Alias!"

"I don't know why she swallowed the fly.....
perhaps she'll die."

"Am I dreaming, or did he just say, 'Oh gag a maggot! That dude was uuuuugly!"

So that was just one class. Maybe this was more eye-opening for me than anyone else...?


  1. LOL! You can't make this stuff just can't. It's writing like this that makes me think that you're just like...your dad! Haha

  2. I laughed out loud several times reading this! Class usually lends itself to mind wandering tangents! Wait till you are too busy to complete a thought then blog!! Also, I never knew you werent allowed to erase the board side to side?

  3. Spence! I just love reading your blog! It makes me happy! The quotes you put on here are even more funny than the teasers you read to me the other night! Thanks for the laughs!

  4. Loved this post! I want to spend a day in your brain!

  5. A Day in The Brain of Spencer.... Sounds like a good sitcom to me, and you've got plenty of material to begin with above.

    P.S. To answer your question, "Do teachers ever just make stuff up...?" Yes. Yes, we do.
    P.S.S. The moon was actually PURPLE once upon a time - so close.

  6. oh my gosh, best thing of my life. This is like an insight to my brain as well.... but you probably already knew that ha ha. I was literally laughing out loud. haha