Monday, May 23, 2011


I don't know whether I should be thrilled or frightened that I'm still here after Saturday's events. I expected, along with many of you, to be raptured. Unfortunately, I think I'm speaking for a majority when I say, "Oops."

There are some of you who might be unaware of the rapture of which I speak. I don't know how you escaped the news coverage, the signs (literally like card board signs- not signs from God), the billboards, the facebook statuses, or those individuals who were "sounding the trumpet," but congratulations for being a little naive. I admire you, really.

If you are still confused, take a look at this article, and that might offer some sort of explanation. Trust me when I say, you could hear about it anywhere!

I must admit that quite honestly I'm a little let
down about the whole thing. I was beginning to get a little excited, but that's when I realized- "Holy crap! I am NOT ready for an apocalypse!" So, in order to prepare myself (and others) I came up with a list of things in which I could have been better prepared for such an event.

#10. Try as I might, I have never read the entire Old Testament. A being worthy of rapture must know his scriptures. One time
I got to Genesis 20... I guess you could say that I was somewhat prepared with my reading material-- depending on whether or not you can substitute the Zombie Survival Guide for the Old Testament?

#9. My Bishop is in China...
How I am supposed to get a hold of him and clear my name if he is on the other side of the world? Heeeelllllooo?! I think he planned that on purpose. Tricky dude.

#8. I forgot to set my alarm!! I woke up at 6:04 and the first thought in my head was "Oh shitaki mushrooms! I have missed the rapture." When I finally came to, I realized that the apocalypse was really at 6:00 pm. Whew! What a relief...

#7. I forgot to get my shift covered at work. On Friday night, I attempted to inform my boss via text that I would need someone to close up shop for me. The text read, " Hey! I just wanted to let you know that I am planning on being raptured tomorrow at 6:00. You will need to send a sinner to close up shop." My boss replied wondering what the bleep I was talking about... I guess he didn't see the billboard? :/

#6. As my mom was preparing her lesson for primary this week, she went to the church website and found this:

Apparently we are not going to find out the church's official position on the matter... yikes.

#5. I may or may not have a slight swearing problem. This is our swear jar...

How can I expect to ascend if I am indebted to the jar $21... Unfortunate, but true.

#4. My mom and I are in the middle of a game of
words with friends. I am currently winning (which hasn't happened in a while) so... I would prefer to beat her and rub it in a little before I have to be nice.

#3. As my mom so kindly informed me in one of our games a few weeks ago, I am unmarried. I need to be married for the rapture. I just do.

(If you notice up in the right hand corner, you will see her first words were "find" and then "wife." My word was on the bottom "bugged." Then if you will please refer to the top, you may notice that it says "You Lost." I wonder if that is figurative or literal...?)

#2. I wasn't wearing my rapture shoes.

#1. We ran out of ketchup.

All in all, Saturday was kind of a let down for me. After literally two weeks of nothing but rain, the sun finally came out and I was stuck at work waiting for the glorious events to take place. Hey... do you think they just got it all mixed up? It was supposed to be the SUN, but NOT the SON...? Get it?! hahahahaha.


  1. #7 - Did you really text your boss? Wait, of course you did - Hahahaha... Love it.
    #5 - I think you might owe more that $21... let's be real.
    #2 - Rapture shoes?
    This is the best post-rapture blog, thus far... I'm on the search for others.

  2. Love it...hey! When might you be available to go purchase us some rapture shoes?

  3. Spence, i've gained such an education on "rapture" thanks to our friendship. i don't what i'd do without you! haha Seriously though,your blog is one of my favorite to read! :)

  4. Oh my. This was definitely worth the wait to read about not being raptured. So, I wasn't wearing my rapture shoes either...maybe that's why I'm still here... ;)