That Would Happen To Me: Part 2

I'M BAAAACCKKK!!  And consequently, so are the awfully, terribly embarrassing stories... Enjoy!

At the ripe young age of 15, I became a people pleaser.  Yes, it's true.  I learned that in order to get what you want, you must provide others with what they wanted first.  It was a fail-safe system, really.  This was especially true with my parents.  My dad asked me to spray all of the weeds in the back yard with Round Up (weed killer) one Saturday morning.  I decided that I would get up early and get it taken care of so that he wouldn't have to ask me twice.  I was trying to do a genuinely good thing here.  Well, I ran out of weed killer and went to go ask for more.  My dad replied that that was impossible because we had enough to last us for many years.  That's when I found out that you have to dilute the spray with water.  Like A LOT of water.  Our entire backyard died that summer and then... our house went up for sale.  Oops.

That would happen to me.

Once upon a time, it was a dreadful Saturday morning.  I got up to go to work and jumped in the shower really quick.  I was doing what normal people do in the shower (washing my hair).  I kid you not--at the EXACT moment I went to wash the soap out of my hair, the water just shut off.  Do you understand what I'm saying?? The water stopped coming out of the wall.  That's what I mean by shut off just in case you didn't know.  The next thing I know, I am banging on the wall screaming, "No, no, no, no, no! Noooooooo!!!!"  I couldn't figure out what the heck happened.  I then came to the realization that I didn't have a towel in the bathroom with me.  Fail.  Meanwhile, unbeknownst to me, the sink had exploded on my dad while he was fixing it upstairs and everyone was in a panic.  So, he just turned the water off.  Typical Saturday morning at the Minnick home? Yep.

That would happen to me.

There are certain things that you do as a kid that can be considered "cute."  You might also do these things when you're a little older and suddenly they're not so charming.  I made many friends at Draper Theatre when I was young doing a show called Broadway Kids.  I can't believe I am admitting this right now.  Well, during my junior year in high school, I was convinced by some unnamed friends to do it kind of as "one last hurrah!"  I caved and found myself a little over my head.  I thought I had everything under wraps.  NO ONE was going to find out about this.  It would be over and then we'd all be on our merry little way.  Well, on the opening day of the show, I was in the Alta High School library when I saw it.  The newspaper was on the table with the entertainment section right on top.  Covering almost the ENTIRE front page was a picture of yours truly.  Don't believe me? Here's a link to the article.  I wanted to crawl in my locker and hide.

That would happen to me.  

The following probably tops my list of most embarrassing stories.  As a recently returned missionary, we can all agree that one is pretty awkward, right?  A few weeks after I returned home, my mom convinced me to try this new fad out with her.  She said it was called "zumba."  Ok, I thought.  I haven't seen you in a few years, what the heck?  She promised to buy me a jamba juice and I considered that to be a deal, so I went.  Never, ever, have I EVER been so embarrassed.  I was the only, I repeat and reemphasize, ONLY guy in the class.  (Besides Carmelo, the instructor).  The room was full of about 50 middle-aged women who were ready to "shake that thang."  As if it wasn't enough to just be in the same "dance class" as all of them, good ol' Carmelo had to "spice things up" a bit.  When the class was almost over, he motioned for everyone to gather at one end of the room.  I was walking over to the other side with my mom when he pulls me aside and says, "Not you, partner."  I instantly became sick to my stomach.  Apparently, it was now time for my private routine.  He put on some sexy Spanish song and turned me so my back was facing the ladies.  I was then instructed to shake my... bottom and give them a show.  I received cat calls, whistles, and believe it or not, quite a few laughs.  "White boy can shake his booty," they said.  I have never had so many mothers try to set me up with their daughters.  Obviously that went well, I'm still single.  Thank you, Carmelo for the most awkward 2 minutes of my life.  P.S.  You better believe I got one huge freaking Jamba.

That would happen to me.

It is no surprise that the Minnick family has been working on purifying our words in the year of 2011.  Although I haven't been perfect, I have certainly tried.  It is also no surprise that I am not very athletic.  That's what happens when your sister steals all of the good jeans.  I meant genes.  I was recently playing church softball with the singles ward and I don't have the best self-esteem when it comes to catching a ball so my best hope is to just pray that it doesn't come to me.  In this particular instance, my prayers went unanswered.  Unfortunately, when one of my friends lobbed the ball to me, I sort of kind of dropped a little bit of an explicative.  Whoops.  The umpire reminded me it was church ball and the poor girl running toward second base probably thinks I'm going straight to the bad place, but I repented.  I swear!  I mean, yes, I did swear, but... yeah.  The other time I used the same bad word was when everyone surprised me for my birthday this year.  My apologies to all my friends, but you really did scare the s*** out of me.

That would happen to me.

I sing to myself in the car.  There, I admit it.  As I was sitting at a stoplight not too long ago, I was belting some big song and I noticed that the guy in the car behind me was frantically trying to get my attention.  When he got out and started approaching my car, I debated running the red light just to get away from him.  I couldn't have possibly cut him off or made him mad, right...?  My palms grew sweaty and I was ready to put the petal to the metal when all of a sudden I heard a small bang and he waved politely.  He certainly did his good deed for the day.   Thank you, sir, for proving that I'm an idiot and closing my gas tank for me.

That would happen to me.

While we're on the subject of gas, let me just give you a warning.  Pay close attention to this story, or someone might just trick you too.  I was at the gas pump one morning just minding my own business.  I inserted my debit card and selected the regular unleaded gas just like I always do.  I picked up the pump to put it in my car and that's when I realized that someone had locked the handle in place to allow the gas to come out.  I received many stares as I screamed and figeted with the handle.  Before I knew it, gas was spilling ALL over.  Note to self: check the handle before you select the grade of gas.  It could save you a car wash and a change of clothes.  Kids these days.

That would happen to me.

Just in case you missed my facebook post (Tanner and Whitney).  The automatic doors at target are NOT working.  They trick you into thinking that they're going to open.  The motor then gives out and since you are already on your way through the door, you may just end up on the floor.  Not kidding.  Don't ask why I'm always alone when this happens.  I just am. 

That would happen to me.

The story to top it off for the night:  My friends are so great.  In fact, I hope that one day they will have a similar experience to this.  We were at my friend's house on the mountain.  She really lives on a humongous hill.  They were outside all riding this bike and asked me if I wanted to try.  It was a creamsicle beach cruiser type "thing" and I was excited to ride it.  I began to ride it up the hill with my phone in one hand and my car keys and a wedding announcement in the other.  On my way back down the hill I waved excitedly to my friends only to wonder about the astonished looks on their faces.  As I began my ascent dow nthe steepest part of the hill, I heard someone scream, "Spencer! Nooooo!!"  They had 'failed to mention' that the bike didn't have breaks.  A little ways down the road, my friends came running and found me crashed in someone's front yard.  I swear on my life that bruise was on my hip for a month.  Thanks guys.

That would happen to me.