Monday, May 30, 2011

King of Tangents

Have you ever had a thought go through your mind and then you wonder... holy cow, how did I get here?! Well, let's be honest- that is a fairly regular occurrence in my life. I am almost completely positive that I am, in fact, the King of Tangents. One of my mission companions was just sure that he needed to fix this problem. As we drove in the car one day, he mentioned that I don't use a clutch when I speak. I asked him to expound because I didn't really comprehend what he meant. He then explained that I don't use connecting thoughts to "switch gears," so to speak. Apparently this was causing quite a problem. At the end of his little spiel, I said, "Well, Elder, luckily this is the reason that the Lord invented automatics and cruise control. What a blessing they are to us."

Today someone told me that they wanted to live inside my head for a day just to see what goes on in there. I'm sure that would be eye-opening for them and very very scary for me! So I'm not quite sure if this person was giving me a compliment or.... anyway here's your chance. As I was sitting through my beneficially boring biology class, I decided that I should take notes. Be proud. However, the notes weren't on the lecture. I took extremely accurate notes on the events of my mind. Keep in mind that I'm not including the "gears" per se that are helping me to transition, that would be a never ending blog.

At the risk of embarrassing myself, I will share some of the thoughts that surprised me. A penny for my thoughts...? Ok- you asked for it.

Bio Professor while speaking about genetics: "Are you an inny or an outy?"
In my head: "Inny. I always wanted an outy though. Oooooh I definitely want an Audi! Probably the Q5 SUV. Yep."

"I should start saying, 'what the dickens?!' more often..."

"I just drew an ear of corn in my notes..."

Bio Professor: "Which are the most dangerous apartments in Provo?"
In my head: "The Branbury. Duh. Everyone knows that. My dad doesn't seem to believe me though. Oh listen- everyone else is saying the same thing out loud! Ok, now I feel validated."

"Spencer! Pay attention!"
"Oops... ok sorry Me...."

"Why would my shoes be glued to the ground?
I wish I was actually good at sports."

"Jars. Oh I love homemade jam!"

Professor: "Adrenaline makes your heart beat faster when you're in a car smooching!"
In my head: "Yeah, that happens to me too..."
"Wait, what?! How did we get on the subject of steaming up windows while smooching....?"

"His nucleus looks like the sun with a pineapple on it."

"I wonder what would happen if I put this paper clip in that socket..."

"HA! He just talked about a recipe for homemade jam. I'm psychic. Don't tell anyone."

"oh oh oh! good idea! You know those portable houses that they cut in half and you see them moving down the freeway on a big truck? We should play house in one of those while it's moving! The people driving on the freeway would be SO CONFUSED!"

"Do teachers ever just make stuff up..? When I'm a teacher, I'm going to tell all the students that the moon used to be turquoise."

"WHAT THE DICKENS?! ha.. ha... hahahaha."

"A flash mob would be the coolest thing that could happen to me right about now."

"Yep, like clockwork- the Russians are always late.
"Wait, if they were like clockwork, doesn't that mean they'd be on time...?
Aw shoot- how do you settle a dispute with yourself?"

"My life would be so much better if there was a nice big window in here."

Professor: "...something....something.....Mutation...something..."
In my head: "X-MEN COMES OUT NEXT WEEK!! I hope someone will want to see it with me. Who would want to go? Does anyone else still turn into a 10-year-old boy when they think of X-Men? Wow, I'm such a deacon right now."

"Aspirin is a scary white little pill."

"Obviously no one ever taught him that you're not supposed to erase the board from side-to-side. My teacher friends would be so disappointed."

"Whoever invented the projector was really smart."

Professor: "I'm going to teach you to decode codons."
In my head: "I LOVE playing Alias!"

"I don't know why she swallowed the fly.....
perhaps she'll die."

"Am I dreaming, or did he just say, 'Oh gag a maggot! That dude was uuuuugly!"

So that was just one class. Maybe this was more eye-opening for me than anyone else...?

Monday, May 23, 2011


I don't know whether I should be thrilled or frightened that I'm still here after Saturday's events. I expected, along with many of you, to be raptured. Unfortunately, I think I'm speaking for a majority when I say, "Oops."

There are some of you who might be unaware of the rapture of which I speak. I don't know how you escaped the news coverage, the signs (literally like card board signs- not signs from God), the billboards, the facebook statuses, or those individuals who were "sounding the trumpet," but congratulations for being a little naive. I admire you, really.

If you are still confused, take a look at this article, and that might offer some sort of explanation. Trust me when I say, you could hear about it anywhere!

I must admit that quite honestly I'm a little let
down about the whole thing. I was beginning to get a little excited, but that's when I realized- "Holy crap! I am NOT ready for an apocalypse!" So, in order to prepare myself (and others) I came up with a list of things in which I could have been better prepared for such an event.

#10. Try as I might, I have never read the entire Old Testament. A being worthy of rapture must know his scriptures. One time
I got to Genesis 20... I guess you could say that I was somewhat prepared with my reading material-- depending on whether or not you can substitute the Zombie Survival Guide for the Old Testament?

#9. My Bishop is in China...
How I am supposed to get a hold of him and clear my name if he is on the other side of the world? Heeeelllllooo?! I think he planned that on purpose. Tricky dude.

#8. I forgot to set my alarm!! I woke up at 6:04 and the first thought in my head was "Oh shitaki mushrooms! I have missed the rapture." When I finally came to, I realized that the apocalypse was really at 6:00 pm. Whew! What a relief...

#7. I forgot to get my shift covered at work. On Friday night, I attempted to inform my boss via text that I would need someone to close up shop for me. The text read, " Hey! I just wanted to let you know that I am planning on being raptured tomorrow at 6:00. You will need to send a sinner to close up shop." My boss replied wondering what the bleep I was talking about... I guess he didn't see the billboard? :/

#6. As my mom was preparing her lesson for primary this week, she went to the church website and found this:

Apparently we are not going to find out the church's official position on the matter... yikes.

#5. I may or may not have a slight swearing problem. This is our swear jar...

How can I expect to ascend if I am indebted to the jar $21... Unfortunate, but true.

#4. My mom and I are in the middle of a game of
words with friends. I am currently winning (which hasn't happened in a while) so... I would prefer to beat her and rub it in a little before I have to be nice.

#3. As my mom so kindly informed me in one of our games a few weeks ago, I am unmarried. I need to be married for the rapture. I just do.

(If you notice up in the right hand corner, you will see her first words were "find" and then "wife." My word was on the bottom "bugged." Then if you will please refer to the top, you may notice that it says "You Lost." I wonder if that is figurative or literal...?)

#2. I wasn't wearing my rapture shoes.

#1. We ran out of ketchup.

All in all, Saturday was kind of a let down for me. After literally two weeks of nothing but rain, the sun finally came out and I was stuck at work waiting for the glorious events to take place. Hey... do you think they just got it all mixed up? It was supposed to be the SUN, but NOT the SON...? Get it?! hahahahaha.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Reason? Season? or Lifetime?

Something happened to me during the last few weeks that doesn't happen a lot. I have been at a loss for words. To me, words are just about as important as anything. I don't necessarily mean in talking or speaking out loud, we all know that that just comes naturally and I can't turn off the endless spout which is my mouth. However, this loss might better be described as "writer's block." So many things have happened and changed that I just couldn't even gather my thoughts.

Have you ever felt like so much was changing, but in a way everything was staying the same all at once? Maybe I'm making no sense at all, but in all reality, that's the mumbo jumbo that is swirling around in my brain as I type. Good or bad? I'll let you be the judge.

The biggest thing impacting me at the moment is my friends. It's a time of life where things just change so rapidly that getting a grip is next to impossible. Holding on to those closest to you becomes an unspeakable battle where you're afraid to love and quite frankly, afraid to lose at the same time. Let me explain.

A few years ago, I got one of those annoying chain emails. I remember it read something like this:

"Friends come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime."

I can't tell you how true that is. As I look back on my life, I have had many incredible friends and they have all come at the right time and for the right reasons. If you're reading this right now, chances are that you and I are (or have been) friends at some point. If I don't know you, I'm sure that you have had similar experiences, but nonetheless, people come, and people go. If there is a chance you fall in one or more of these categories in my life, there are some things you should know:


To be honest, I feel like every single person I meet falls under this category. Each person brings with them a new perspective, trial, challenge, or blessing. To the many of you who have affected my life in such a way that has changed me, I am grateful to you; even including those where the relationship has been less than simple.

I realize that it is "uncool" to quote from musicals, but I stopped caring what was cool years ago... so... sue me for being a sap. One of my favorite songs from WICKED expresses this category perfectly.

"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason,
bringing something we must learn,
and we are led to those who help us most to grow,
if we let them, and we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true.
But I know I'm who I am today because I knew you."


I hate this one. I'd much rather classify everyone into "Reason" because if I put anyone here, I feel like it's too much of an ultimatum. I feel like it completely overlooks the value and integrity of a friendship. That being said, we do drift apart from one another. It happens. I have only actively put a few people into this category in my life and that's probably only when the relationship becomes some sort of threat to either party involved.

"Don't make someone a priority when they only see you as an option." Unfortunately, that's a true statement and as much as I admire so many of these people, we can't risk everything for someone who sees us as nothing.


This one is my weakness, my disadvantage, and oddly enough, it is my strength, my endurance, and my life. When I make a new friend, I automatically put them in this category. That may seem a little naive, but I don't want to spend a life without any of you! I would love nothing more than to have one big eternal fiesta with everyone! And that's why it is so hard for me when I have to let a friend go, even if it's just for a short time. I know that the Lord has His ways of carrying out His plan. I know that each friend I have has been placed in my path as a blessing in my life.

I have heard it said,

"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."

To those of you who have taken the time and effort to break down those walls, I am so grateful.
To those of you who have made me feel like I am worth the world, there is no way I can ever repay you.
And to those of you who love me while knowing all of my imperfections and inadequacies, I could not ask for a better friend.