That Would Happen To Me

When I was 16, I backed my dad’s Porsche into the garage. No, not the garage door. The part that is actually the house. I scraped off the paint on the back passenger side and dented it on the stucco.

That would happen to me.

A few weeks ago, I drove to school with my gas light on. Don’t worry it’s only a 35 or 40 minute drive. I was late, as usual, and I was going to fill up with gas down there. At least I would have, if I had remembered my wallet. I found $3.78 in my car, back pack, and in begging and ended up making it home safely. I forget my wallet a lot. I drive with my gas light on a lot. Both things don’t usually happen on the same day.

That would happen to me.

In middle school, I was always concerned with how I looked. My mom was still doing my laundry at that point in my life (might still be doing it, but anyway) and every once in a while she would shrink a favorite article of clothing. That never went over very well. One particular morning, I grabbed my jeans from the laundry room and “freak out” when I could no longer fit into them. At all. I couldn’t button them, or even fit into the legs for that matter. They were tight! The next hour was a war between my mother and I. When I got home from school that day, I opened my closet and almost died laughing. When my mom came in to see what was up, I told her, “Oops… I was wearing your pants this morning….”

That would happen to me/us.

Instead of answering the phone at work how I’m supposed to: “Thank you for calling Great Harvest, this is Spencer!” I accidentally said, “Dear Heavenly Father.” I laughed so hard I had to hang up.

That would happen to me.

When I was 12, I had a season pass at Snow Bird and a sweet snowboard with a dog on it. My sister and I were minding our own business (trying to get down the mountain alive), when this crazy man came up from behind me and ran (or boarded, rather) right into me. I ended up upside down in a tree; my board up in a branch and my head in the snow. The nice man got mad at me for blocking his view and left me there to freeze to death. It only took Lauren 10 or 15 minutes to get me out of that dumb tree. I didn’t go snowboarding for the next 10 years. When I did go again, my friend broke her arm. Epic fail.

That would happen to me.

My first job was… delightful. I worked at a movie theater for about 5 minutes. My first job was to clean the theaters after the movies. Easy cheesy lemon squeezy, right? Wrong. During my first day I managed to stick my hand inside a poopy diaper, slip on and land flat on my back in throw up, and have two enormous garbage bags break right on top of me.

That would happen to me.

I was on a trip with some friends. I was playing catch in the hallway with one of my friends when she said “go long!” Like an idiot I started sprinting backward. Clumsy/uncoordinated people don’t know how to “go long.” I forgot that there was a bathtub right behind me and before I knew it, I was doing a back flip into said bathtub. I hit the bottom pretty hard and when I finally realized what happened, I saw water coming toward me. I had somehow turned on the water while doing my acrobatic moves. I couldn’t get out because I had landed on my arms funny and the water was getting closer and closer. My friend was laughing because she thought my dangling legs were hilarious. When I finally managed to get myself out of the tub, not only was I wet, but I was also choking. Apparently I licked the bottom of the tub or something and that’s how the hair got in my mouth. I came that close to throwing up.

That would happen to me.

This story is just plain sad. During the first week of my mission, one of the wards gave us large bags of presents to take to a less-fortunate family as a “secret Santa” sort of deal. When we showed up on the doorstep, the family was so grateful. They cried and hugged us and thanked us in Spanish. I was so excited that I got to give them their gifts and I was going all-out in my Santa hat. I looked back to my companion. His eyes were as big as bowling balls. He had taken us to the wrong house. The rest of the story is too sad to tell. I will say that I think I was crying more than the little kid when I ripped that present out of his cute little hands. I didn’t understand why we couldn’t just let them be our NEW secret santa family! I didn’t talk to my companion for the rest of that week.

That would happen to me.

About four months into my mission I was asked to speak in church. Being a young, new, and eager missionary, I was ecstatic! I prepared my lovely talk on member missionary work and got up to deliver my well-rehearsed address. About 4 and a half minutes into my talk, a sharp pain ripped through my abdomen. I was pretty sure someone shanked me right there on the stand. I remember I was in the middle of a quote from President Hinckley. I closed the talk with an “amen” mid-quote and found my seat. I don’t recall a lot during the next 2 hours, but I do remember waking up in the hospital wondering what the heck happened. I had apparently just come out of an emergency appendectomy! My appendix decided to act up right in the middle of my talk. Very rude. So I got rid of him.

That would happen to me.

When an ex gets married, everything about the situation is just awkward. I try to make it a point to not go to the wedding/reception, but that hasn’t always been such an easy thing to do. Especially when you get invited to ALL of them! While I was avoiding my last ex’s wedding, I spent some time in St. George with some friends. We were driving down bluff street one day and I look over and to my surprise is my ex-girlfriend and her husband. On their honeymoon. So much for evading that disaster. Luckily I ducked down before they could see me and now the only way they’ll know is if one of you tells them, or they read this. In that case, I hope your honeymoon was spectacular! It sure looked like a good time!

That would happen to me.

A few months ago I woke up at approximately 2:37 am. I know this because I always look at a clock when I wake up. The weird part was that I was not in bed. I was in my kitchen sitting at the counter. Right in front of me was an empty bag of my favorite ruffles potato chips, an empty box of cinnamon toast crunch with a matching empty bowl with the milk gone but the cinnamon specks on the side, and a plate of cookies with a bite taken out of each cookie. Apparently its called Nocturnal Sleep-Related Eating Disorder (NSRED). However, as I far as I know, this never happened before that and hasn’t happened since. But every time I wake up with a weird taste in my mouth, I always wonder…

That would happen to me.