Monday, February 14, 2011

Single Awareness Day

Just a quick note... If you start reading this, please finish. Otherwise, you have absolutely no credibility in judging me. Enjoy!

Well, my friends, the dreaded day is here. I was taught by some friends at a young age that Valentine's Day is really a 24 hour period with two possibilities: 1. You either spend the day with your one true love all googly-eyed over how wonderfully perfect you really are, or option 2. - you're just plain alone.



My brother so kindly shared this quote with me today, as if I wasn't already aware that I'd be spending the day alone.  It reads,

"If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day like many people are... just remember that nobody loves you on any other days of the year either."

(Gee... thanks Tan.)

The following is a brief synopsis of a typically tragic evening that takes place 14th of February for a "lonely hopeless romantic:"

While EVERYBODY ELSE and their "significant others" are out enjoying a romantic evening under a perfect mirage of bliss and happiness, you spend it at home. Utterly alone.

While they satisfy themselves with extraordinarily exquisite food, you spend your night gorging your guts with a gallon of your favorite ice cream.  

They gaze, longingly, into each others' eyes, and you're stuck on your couch (still with ice cream) watching a depressing "chick flick" that somehow resembles the way your pathetically awful night SHOULD BE right now.  

They reminisce of their joyful memories and moments they've shared since... well, last week (when they met) and they talk about why they're perfect for each other. You hop onto your computer and compare all of your crushes' names to your own in the magical, mysterious, and all-knowing "" You hope, no, plead that just one of them is at least 80% compatible with you only to find that this totally ridiculous website says that you're not a good match for ANYBODY. It simply must be mistaken. 
While they share a divine dessert, that monstrous spoonful of ice cream majestically makes its way your wide open trap once again.  

And while everyone else in the world, as well as the perfect chick-flick couples on the screen, share a passionate kiss, your heart actually breaks in two.

If this is you, please spare yourself and don't admit it to the rest of us. February 14 is a commercialized holiday where the best thing involved are those divine Reese's Hearts sent from on high. Let's be honest, we already live in a world that is constantly reminding you that you are "alone." We do not need to confuse the fact that there is a difference between single and lonely.
Delta Burke once said, "I don't like to be labeled as lonely just because I am alone."

Please do not get me wrong- this is not my own perso
nal bitter anthem of angst, pain, and regret. I love love. (Yes that sentence makes sense.) But I have only had one single "romantically-filled Valentine's Day" in my whole life so far. Yes, out of a whole whopping 23 of them. And I don't think I am scarred.

A Story...

A few months ago, a friend and I journeyed to St. George to visit my sister. I felt bad that I was a third-wheel on their little date but I was not going to sit at the condo all by my lonesome. So I went to dinner with them. When the waitress came over to ask how we would split up the bill, she looks at them
and questions, "Are you two together?" My friend replied, "Yes." When she grudgingly turned to me, she uttered a question that, in fact, changed my life. She asked, "Are you separate?"
Ladies and Gentlemen... I am not alone, lonely, single, or unhappy.
Please, FOR THE LOVE, let's get this right!

Don't worry about me, though. I have a plethora of people that are just DYING to set me up on blind dates. Do you know how many people I have yet to meet and date? This is all because my co-worker's best friend's aunt's daughter-in-law somehow believes that "I am this person's PERFECT match"- a concept that I stil
l do not understand much about anyway. I love this quote by Wendy Liebman.
"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog."

Please feel free to mail my puppy to:
123 Lonely Lane
Unhappy Valley, UT
Maybe once I get my dog, I won't be quite so single. so separate. so lonely. Then I shall have a true companion. And then next year, on this very day, my furry little best friend and I can have a tender moment watching Marley & Me and sharing a gallon of ice cream from the same spoon!

Let us all remember that February 15th is the most important day this week, for it is the day that the Valentine's heart-shaped Reese's are marked down to half-price and we must stock up because the next Rees
esly celebrated holiday is not until April when we get our Easter eggs. Until then........DISCLAIMER: This post was NOT meant to be serious. haha. Just so you know, I do NOT even remotely dislike my friends who are in love. I love that you're in love. I'm so happy for you and I wish nothing but the best for you! For those of you who are single and wanting more, be patient. Live in the moment! You'll find that everything does work out, but for heaven's sake- have a great Valentine's Day regardless of whether or not you have a lover to share it with! Amen.


  1. 7 years of being friends, and you still entertain me and make me laugh! Thanks for your wonderful post. This is my first Valentine's Day with a snuggle buddy, but the ones alone were wonderful too! Enjoy it regardless! Miss you.

  2. I just have one favor....when you share that ice cream on a spoon with your new puppy, can you use a plastic one and not one from my kitchen drawer?

  3. Very well said my smart seperate, yet all together Nephew. I like how you found the good in this silly holiday like the perfectly porportioned reeses PB cups. The only thing I too found disturbing in your heartfelt post is the part about sharing your spoon with a little furry creature. Don't stoop that low, at least let the dog have it's own spoon, whats to say it would want to share one with you anyways? Human mouths are dirtier than dogs you know?!?!

    Love Aunt Jenn

    love calculator...

  5. LOVE this post...and just to make you feel better....I'm babysitting tonight and Michael probably has to work late :) And lots of people love you! Even Marvin!! :)
    Thanks for the post, made my morning!!